Horror Movie Survival Guide

Getting stabbed, tortured, or dismembered by some crazed psychotic slasher is never a pleasant experience. If you don't want to end up a bloody corpse, read this list of ways to make it through a serial killer horror movie.

Serial Killer Horror Movie Guide

Never do anything because someone dares you.

When someone tells you not to go somewhere, listen to them.

Never take a bath or shower, especially if you are alone.

If you are a man, get away as quickly as possible. The last surviving character is almost always a woman.

If you are a woman, never go topless. You are as good as dead if you do.

Don't be the wise-cracking kid, jokester, or prankster. You won't live any longer than a topless woman.

Never go to summer camp, into forests, old motels, or any rural places.

If someone has arrived to help, run away. That person is going to die very soon or is the serial killer.

Don't take back roads to save time. Always stay on highways and busy roads.

When running away from an axe-wielding slasher, don't look back. He won't be there. He will be in front of you.

Never take a short-cut through the woods, by a cemetery, old school or hospital.

Never swim in a lake and under no circumstance go swimming at night.

If you hear a noise from upstairs, its not the wind.

Never have sex if you want to live. Virgins are less likely to be mutilated and killed.

If you decide to go skinny dipping, make sure you say good bye to all your friends. You're going to die.

Let someone else pick up a hitch hiker. He is either the psychotic serial killer or will soon be murdered by him.

When you answer the phone and hear deep breathing, its not your boyfriend. Leave immediately because its probably coming from inside the house.

Never go to a party at an old mansion, rural home, or high school.

Listen to crazy people who tell you about the evil that is around.

Don't go to a carnival or sideshow. And if you do, under no circumstance go into the funhouse.

If you see anyone with an axe, chainsaw, hook, or machete, don't go and see who it is. Run away.

Never have sex, do drugs, pick on others, sneak out at night, or go anywhere that says "keep out".

If you have a relative who is in a mental asylum, you should leave the country. He will soon be coming to kill you.

Deserted towns are deserted for a reason.

Vacationing in the mountains of West Viginia is always a bad idea.

Taking back roads on your trip to California is an even worse idea.

The crazed slasher is never dead until everyone else is.

If it is Friday the 13th, Halloween, or prom night, go into hiding.

Never visit a town with a mental asylum or summer camp. If you live in the town, move.

If you are a police officer, fireman, paramedic or any other city worker, quit your job. If you don't you will be quickly mutilated in some painful manner.

A paintball gun won't kill your attacker.

If for some dumb reason you are camping in the woods, don't wander off to go pee in the middle of the night. Hold it until morning.

Closets are never a good place to hide.  Under the bed isn't a good place either.

If your friend goes to check on a strange noise and doesn't return, don't go looking for him.

When you hear a tale about a string of murders that happened where you are staying, its a good time to leave.

Never explore an old shack, barn, cellar, attic, or school. Unless you want to be the next victim.

If you hear a strange noise coming from any dark place, don't go investigate by yourself.

Friends, neighbors, and family members are all expendable.

When you have killed the homicidal maniac, never try to remove his mask.

If you are lucky enough to survive the horror movie, never be in the sequel. You will die as soon as it starts.