Horror Movie Survival Guide

The horror movie guide to keep you alive on Earth, a distant planet, or on a space ship. Learn ways to survive acid-bleeding creatures, body snatchers, alien hunters, and other life forms from outer space.

Alien Horror Movie Guide

When it appears that you have killed the alien, never check to see if it's really dead.

Stay in groups. Preferably groups greater than two. You never know when your friend is an alien in disguise.

Don't try to splice alien and human DNA. The results will always be unpleasant.

Never sleep with an alien, no matter how hot she is.

Never create a super being using information that was transmitted from outer space.

Don't try to communicate with a space creature because you want to learn from it.

Strange lights in the sky are always a bad sign.

When the military arrives, run and hide. They are just as likely to kill you as the aliens.

If you are on a far away planet and find some unusual egg-like objects, leave them alone.

When you are being hunted by an alien creature, never go off alone.

If a crew member has a disgusting parasite attached to him, never bring him back to the ship.

Dripping goo, slime, or excretions stuck to walls are not good reasons to explore.

Never sacrifice yourself to save your friends. They will soon die regardless of what you do.

Genetic experiments will always produce a big, nast, scary creature.

If you find the remains of a strange life form, spaceship, or alien artifact trapped in the ice, don't dig it out.

Have lots of weapons and ammunition and always shoot first and ask questions later. If you accidentally kill a crew mate, they were probably going to die anyway.

Avoid all government agents dressed in black.

If your friend has been taken by the alien creatures, don't go after him.

Leave immediately, if you find alien eggs, large coccoons, or people encased in crusty secretions.

When men in a helicopter are shooting at a dog. Don't shoot at the men, shoot at the dog.

If your handicapped friend tells you Mister Gray is coming, change your name and move away.

Never poke a glowing meteorite with a stick.

Don't ever torment a captured alien. When it escapes, you will be the first person it kills.

Never try to capture an alien creature because it would be worth a fortune or has technology that could be studied.

Aliens with shoulder cannons and cloaking devices do not "come in peace".

If the space creature has acid for blood, never shoot it at point blank range.

When you find a weird egg-like object in your mailbox, don't pick it up to see what it is.

If everyone in town falls asleep and all the women wake up pregnant, leave your wife or girlfirend and move away.

If everyone in town falls asleep and you wake up pregnant, your unborn child is an alien sent to take over the world. Kiss your butt goodbye.

If you find coffins with perfectly preserved human bodies in the tail of a comet, don't bring them back to Earth.

When all your classmates and teachers show no emotion or are incessantly drinking water, run away from home.